Sorry Fellow Bloggers...

There is just too much video game information around the internet right now with E3, you are likely too busy looking at it to read our blog, so enjoy it. Also my fellow blogger is gone for the week. We'll continue with List Jr next week as it's simply more fun with two different opinion.

List Jr: Worst Game Recieved as Gift

1. Hot Wheels Velocity X (GBA)

I'll keep this short and sweet. My parents wanted to surprise me by getting me something that wasn't on my Christmas list, and reall I appreciate the thought. But i make a list for them so that they don't waste their money on stupid shit like this... seriously, I'll let the pictures do the talking.



Out of guilt i actually tried playing Hot Wheels for a whole 30 seconds before I vomited everywhere. I think when they found the unopened racing wheel in my room 6 months later unopened they learned their lesson.




Notice that the "Rally Racer Racing Wheel" has never been opened...

List Jr.: Worst Game Recieved as Gift

1. Tomorrow Never Dies (PS1)

The worst part about recieving a bad video game as a gift is that you are obliged to play it- nay, obliged to beat it. So, Christmas 1999 was particularly bitter when I played through all of the two-years-late Tomorrow Never Dies.

I was not looking forward to it, figured it would be mediocre. I didn't ask for it, but my parents love me and love James Bond like I do, so it was a nice present.

But JESUS this was like the epitome of a bad Playstation game. Bad controls, boring missions, huge warping pixel mountains. But I played through all of it, I beat it. I still have it somewhere in my room because I couldn't trade it in I got it for Christmas! Anyways, sometimes I find it and get angry at it and flick it off to some other corner of my room.

Better than it was all those years ago...

Props to P.Elicker for remembering this vid.

Oo, PS2! Whats on tv...

The Playstation 3 has been out for nearly 2 years now, but the Playstation 2 shows little signs of slowing down yet. Sure the exclusive titles have all dried up, but titles are still showing up on that crazy black box and look to be for at least another year.

Last week Alex and me chose our favorite games from the PS2’s launch. As a result, I wound up thinking a lot about that first year of owning a PS2- a year that was as exciting as it was ultimately disappointing.

Having been out for close to 8 years, few people seem to talk about the year between the system’s launch and the debut of the AAA titles. SO that’s why I’m going to review all of the games that I owned that first year of PS2*.

Armored Core 2 – 8/10

Building robots and fighting against your friends is great, especially when they’re named “Turok’s Dick” and “BANTA CLAUS”.

Ace Combat 4 – 8/10

I’ve played every Ace Combat game, and 4 is one of the first games I claimed was “almost photo realistic”. Ace Combat 5 is in every way superior, though by then you realize every Ace Combat mission is exactly the same.

Dark Cloud – Ted/10

I had this, played it a little, but quickly it came to be in unofficial and alternating possession of Ted and Alex. They loved it.

Extermination – 4/10

No one cares about this game, a Resident Evil rip-off from Sony. It was pretty lame, with a fairly gay main hero, but it did feature better action than Resident Evil games of that time, and you could customize your one game with all sorts of cool shit. That’s at least a little “next gen”.

Final Fantasy X – 3/10

I hate this game. It is so incredibly gay and sounded the death knell for Square games as I knew (and loved) them.

Gungriffon Blaze – 8/10

This game is so much fun- you can and do blow everything up. The fuel-air bomb made up for the shitty controls and only 6 levels.

Grand Theft Auto III – 9/10

I hate organized crime stories, but this is the first game where you can do whatever you want and it is super satisfying.

Jak & Daxter – 7/10

This game was a lot of fun and technically marvelous with no load times and constant motion, but was, I dunno, too kiddy.

Klonoa 2 – 8/10

This feels so much like a PS1 game in terms of its weirdness and music and levels and everything. Really pleasant and fun.

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty – 8/10

By the time MGS2 came out, the PS2 was established, and while it failed to be as impressive as MGS1 it was a whole lot more fun to play around with. Dragging dead guys around really made a difference in my life.

Onimusha – 9/10

This was one of the first truly quality games that came out for PS2. Genuinely creepy and with awesome sword fighting.

Okage: Shadow King – 5/10

I expected a lot from this RPG, which looked very interesting, and supposedly a sense of humor. Ultimately it was far too boring, like a Dragon Quest game but trying too hard to be quirky and “Tim Burtonesque”.

Rayman 2 Revolution – 9/10

Probably my favorite 3D platformer this side of Banjo Kazooie. The game itself was older, but they added an over world that was cool.

Ring of Red – 7/10

This Konami strategy game featured a neat premise (mechs won World War 2, lots of Germans in Japan) and interesting real-time elements in the battles, but ultimately was kind of tedious.

Red Faction – 7/10

A pretty boring game, but the ability to blow up all of the environment (GEOMOD) was so great and so next-gen that I loved it at the time. Especially multiplayer matches where we borrowed into the ground to lead our opponent’s into a vicious viper den.

Smuggler’s Run – 7/10

See last week’s List Jr. Ok maybe it’s not that good.

Summoner – 4/10

Worthless, but part of me still thinks it is great (a la Quest 64). The only reason people will remember this is because of the genuinely hilarious video of the characters playing Dungeons and Dragons with each other.

Sky Odyssey – h/10

This game cannot be reviewed, it is too mysterious.

Timesplitters – 5/10

The most average first person shooter ever, but you could build your own levels and the shit flew HECKA fast.

Zone of the Enders – 7/10

Even though I liked the MGS 2 demo that came packed with it more, Zone of the Enders had some of my favorite mech fighting and a pretty atmospheric setting.

 

*I want to know how I OWNED all of these games, and how I can get those $12,000 dollars back.

Chrono DS??!

Excuse me?! What is this?!

http://www.square-enix.co.jp/ctds/

And where have you been these past 8 years Chrono game? Are you a remake of Chrono Trigger? Or a new sequel?

God DAMN it, there's no way around it now: I should have got a DS when I got my abortive PSP. Damn it all. Well, I still have a lot of $credit$ at Gamestop hmmmm

Presenting The First Non-Video Game Post

This get funnier every time you watch it, so be sure to watch it more than once. Though really only the first 8 or so seconds are funny, so only watch those.

List Jr: Best PS2 Launch Titles

1. Smuggler's Run

There I was, midnight, in-line at Best Buy on October 26, 2000... no actually I think I picked up my PS2 from Electronic Boutique with my mom the afternoon came out BUT what counts is I was there on DAY ONE. And I got three games: Timesplitters, Smuggler's Run, and Summoner (I even rented the port of Silent Scope that first weekend).

It was a whole new experience, but nothing was quite as impressive as the first time I turned the key in Smuggler's Run. Never before had such a massive, open, no-need-to-load level been displayed before me. While Timesplitters was fast I guess (I don't think it counts as a video game though it's so detached) and Summoner was genuinely funny, Rockstar was the first taste of what the next-gen could truly deliver (which Smuggler's publisher Rockstar would come to full fruition with GTAIII a few years later).I played and enjoyed Smuggler's Run more than any of the games I first got with the PS2 and so it is my favorite PS2 launch game. THOUGH I love Gungriffon Blaze like a man loves his Colombian mistress, and I probably earned 230,980,800 "medals", but it will never be as "NEXT GEN" in my head as Smuggler's Run felt that tender night the PS2 changed the world (in other words, Smuggler's Run sure wasn't a Dreamcast game).

List Jr: Best PS2 Launch Titles

1. GunGriffon Blaze


My favorite PS2 launch title, and personal pick for the #1 spot on todays List Jr. Giant robots, big explosions, and crappy controls, what more can you ask for? The game had all the markings of a launch title, 6 levels, and I believe 4 Mechs (AWGs in GunGriffon lingo.) I actually went to GameFaqs to look up how many Mechs there were, but even the Walkthroughs didn't list how many, I must have played this game more than those nerds that write those things.

I loved the first person aspect and clunky controls that made it feel like you were really controlling a giant Mech, unlike Armored Core which played more like a 3rd person action game, though AC is great, I'm not knocking it. And the best part of all, if you played the game enough, was the Air Fuel Bomb which is probably the coolest weapon in any game at the time. If only I could unsee every awesome video game innovation I have witnessed over the ears and see the brilliance of GunGriffon Blaze once more...

DIABLO 3!!!!

This has officially become a blog for children 18 and older because FUCKIN BITCHESSSSSSS DIABLO THREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO FUCKING WAY, I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT DIABLO 3!!!! I take it back Blizzard, I believe in you, I believe you can outdo Iron Lore and their awesomely awesome Titan Quest (side story: I just picked up Titan Quest: Immortal Throne which I greatly enjoy.) The game look beautiful, and from what little I saw in the trailer, and I type this as I watch, the game play looks a bit slower, which I like, hopefully there is less counting of frames when considering character selection.

My main fear is similar to what I mentioned before in my "An Homage to Diablo 3" article. If there are using the single class system, they are limited to only those classes offered. Also the barbarian class looks quite similar, and I worry of reaused idea. Then again, diablo is so repetitive, yet so insanely fun regardless, I'm not sure how much it matters. Whatever.... DIABLO III MOTHERFUCKERSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Mega Man 9 PFFFFFFFFFF

Well gunch my funch, Mega Man 9 is announced (leaked?) as a downloadable for Nintendo's WiiWare. It is made in the same style as the classic Mega Men (1-6) for NES and as you can see here-

it is a return to the series' roots in every sense of the word.

Granted, this news comes from a Mega Man fan site via scans from the next issue of Nintendo Power, and could indeed be a Mega Punk, but it has been picked up by the major sites as being a full announcement. So that's the green light for a Blogette!

WHAT ME THINK: I am shocked. I can see why they wanted to do this: if they're going back to the original series, make the visuals as stripped and pure as the original's gameplay. But isn't the basic formula where things began to go south for the Mega Man series in the first place? Mega Man 4, 5 and 6 recycled this formula to nauseating levels.

For Mega Man 9, the first original series game in 10 years, they should have pulled out all the stops. Keep it in 2D, yeah, but give it THE BEST 2D sprite visuals, like those in some latter day PS2 and PSP RPG's, that are vibrant and full of color and motion with living, deep backgrounds. Take the opportunity to make crazy levels and bosses, maybe even bridge the series to Mega Man X (story isn't that important, but there can't possibly be a Mega Man 10).

I can (g)eek out some respect, but ultimately I am disappointed. Downlaodable games can suck it.

First Impressions: Age of Conan

Seriously, wtf? Long story short, i just built a new computer thats been giving me crap all week, I played Age of Conan for an hour earlier this week before i had to reinstall Vista. So i get home early on a Friday afternoon with the intentions of playing but I can't login. What retard messed this up? I was going to take some screen shots of the character creator to write a post about, but I can't even do that, so instead I rant. Let me at least give you my impressions of of my first hour.

To start off, I haven't had a nice computer in ages, so I was excited to see how beautiful Age of Conan was. The game is gorgeous. However, with a game this beautiful, the slightly awkward animations make it look and feel a little awkward. Especially after GTA IV being the last game I played, where characters would react to the geometry of the world, for example if you stand with one foot on and one off the curb you don't float, Niko will bend on leg slightly. But with MMORPGs of course we can't expect things like that, it's just that the game looks so beautiful that the animations really detract form the experience.

The character creator is incredible. I like the inclusion of 12 character classes. The last MMO I played was Lord of the Rings online which lacked in that department. It's good too see there is quite a bit of variation here. Players used to the normal fantasy setup will be surprised to see that all the Races are human, (let me remind you that I know nothing of the Conan universe so if they aren't called humans, I'm sorry). Don't think that because all are human, players will be hard to distinguish from each other, there are TONS of customization options. At first I was mildly impressed by all the options from scars to tats to hair, there are roughly 20 items per category (give or take I wasn't counting). Then I noticed an "Advanced" button which opened roughly 20-25 options ranging from mouth size, to eye spacing, to butt size. It's pretty close to the detail found in games such as Oblivion and other character creators. One thing is for sure, you will have a hard time finding a twin in Hyboria.

Now you can likely find all this generic info anywhere so I'll be looking at this game from a different perspective in future Impressions segments giving my opinion rather than simply stating facts. I love MMORPGs, I really do, except for the whole MMO aspect. To me, RPGs need be great in 2 of the following categories to be good: Story, Unique Battle System, Character Customization, Item Collecting. MMOs usually have great character customizations and item collecting, both of which I love, I just hate that I am forced to play with other players once I reach mid game. Guild Wars tried to solve the problem with NPC teammates but they are useless. I will give the social aspect another try with this game, but in future installment I will likely give my opinion on it as a single player experience or those few who might be in agreement with me. I'll give the whole social aspect another try, but in the past i have been disappointed.

Apparently my login for Funcom and Conan is different....my bad. At least I can play.


Note: Due to Blogger not working properly it took me several days to get this posted, and the layout is still crappy, for which i apologize. Future Conan impressions may come more as tidbits as they are more interesting than these long winded articles. Keep the faith, 50 Rounds 4 life!

List Jr: Worst Moments In My Favorite Games

So begins our (hopefully) weekly article. We, or you, our faithful readers, come up with a topic and create an individualized list, a junior list... Do you have a list suggestion? Leave a comment or email us and we will be sure to add it to our stack of lists to create in the future. And now, onto the show!

1. Shadow of the Colossus, my favorite game of all time. I could go on forever about what makes it great, but thats not the purpose here. What sucks? Most disappointing final boss of all time. What a huge let down. The most interesting colossi in the game were the ones based not on humans, but rather on animals. How do they finish up the game? Well first of all the 15th Colossus is a humanoid colossus, which is alright even after 3 other humanoid colossi. But the next and final colossi is none other than the most human looking colossi of them all, who doesn't walk, and on top of that he is wearing a giant stone skirt you have to climb up. Does it get any more stupid? I call shenanigan, F-you Team Ico, you are better than that.

List Jr.: Worst Moments in my Favorite Games

Chrono Trigger. The BEST RPG of all time. Epic story, supremely balanced gameplay, memorable characters and places. It represents everything great about the Super Nintendo and really represents (in my opinion) the peak of Squaresoft's creative output.

That said, I still shudder when I play it, because BECAUSE when the Crono sprite moves  UP on the screen he looks like a clown. He looks cool any other way he faces, but walking UP, I'm in Clownsville. The feet look like they are pigeon-toed, his hair bounces and is shinier than any other time, and he looks like he has little baby doll arms that he sashays about.

It is literally the only distracting and bad thing about this legend of a game.

Gamestore review: Videogames New York

Probably my favorite store in all of New York City is Video Games New York.

This store features the largest collection of new and classic video games and systems I have seen anywhere, and might be one of the most complete video game stores in the United States. It's like going to some collector nerd's house except everything is for sale, from $.99 Genesis games to $400 Neo Geo systems. I remember when the store used to be on Saint Mark's Place a few years ago. Musty and less visually appealing, I remember lots of neat old games but also the surprising amount of porn and Faces of Death VHS'. But that makes their current all the more impressive. Every self-respecting video game connoisseur cannot help but get excited every time they walk in, though most trips wind up pretty wistful as the good old games get very expensive.

While most people will spend most of their time looking at old Nintendo or Sega games

 (because that's what they will probably buy), the store also functions as a wonderful video game museum. Where else can you see so much colorful plastic electronics on display?

You would never use a CDi or Commodore 64 if you got it but this store makes you feel like you NEED it.

Of course the dreams of buying a Neo Geo or Sega CD are rosier than the reality. These are old systems, and let's face it, most old, obscure games are actually crap. Those pretty 32x cases staring at you from the wall may seem like the answer to all your problems, but you'd only be flushing your money down the drain. But it's fun to pretend and joke and laugh and sing with your friends about getting a Game Gear.

(Of course, I will buy everything in this store if I won the lottery)

The one critical comment that is always made about this store is how dubious the pricing is. Some prices seem fair, given that these are old, sometimes rare and coveted games and consoles. But other times it is too apparent that the store is deliberately inflating prices for items they know people will pay an arm and a leg for. An OPENED copy of non-Greatest Hits Final Fantasy VII will fetch almost $100 here. Panzer Dragoon Saga I could understand but NEVER was FFVII a rare game. Likewise, I was sure my mint copy of Secret of Evermore would garner at least $20, but they barely offered $3.

The other complaint is the people. The staff are all friendly and informed, but the frequent customers are all horrible nerds who like to block the aisles with their fat heads and drone o to whoever will listen about their PS3. They are both annoying and a fire hazard.

But so many games! Althought three copies are not enough for Ted and Alex!

You can really find any(game)thing you might be looking for at this place. I actually sold the Sega Saturn I got on eBay for fear of spending too much money on "ok" Saturn games at this store. However, when I get my first real job I know I am going to buy something stupidly spectacular from this store...

An Homage to Diablo 3

Yeah, I said it, Diablo 3, so what, get off your high horse. Diablo 2 is old. Sure it’s great but how many level 99 Bowazons can you have? Oh Diablo 3? Diablo 3 was released a couple years ago under the name “Titan Quest.” I was so excited for the game. Unfortunately my crappy laptop and desktop were lucky to get 10 FPS out of this game with minimum settings. However being the determined young adults we were, my friend and I chugged through the entire game at an unsteady 10FPS.

Flash forward. I just built a new computer, Quad Core, 4GB RAM, 500GB hard disk space, 512MB Video Card, the works. First game to be installed was Titan Quest, even before my brand new copy of Age of Conan. I was so excited to see the game run I started up before even hooking up speakers. I maxed out all the video settings, set the game to my monitors native resolution, and WOW, Titan quest in its full glory, running so smooooooth, and looking so beautiful. I only played for 40 seconds or so but that’s all I needed for the night. The real topic of this post is character classes and the importance of dual classes.

Two games come to mind when I hear dual classes, Titan Quest, and Guild Wars. First lets do some math. D2 has 7 classes (5 original + 2 expansion). Titan Quest starts you with 8, but any 2 can be combined. Now remember in TQ there is no real “primary” class, so that’s a total of 28 combinations. 28 Unique classes, while the developers only need to create 8. Guild Wars is similar, they started out with 6 classes, yet 1 is primary, giving 30 classes total.

There is however one huge issue that arises here. Some combinations are greatly imbalanced. I will give great credit to D2 as its classes were for the most part well balanced. Although it is always better to specialize, each class had 2-3 setups that allowed for maximum performance with varied play styles, for example the bowazon and javazon. But of Guild Wars’ 30 combinations, about half suffer from major flaws compared to the other combinations. It’s as if each specific combination needs to be balanced separately rather than being an exact combination of both classes, which would cause major headaches for developers.

I don’t really know what my point is other than dual classes are the new sliced bread. Bring on the triple classes!

Conan impressions are soon to come, unless I get sucked into Titan Quest.

Mega Man 9?!

Word is a-buzz buzz buzzing around the quality game sites that Mega Man 9 is a reality. This was revealed today whe the Australian game-rating entity posted online a rating of "G" for a game titled "Mega Man 9".

This is big news to all the older GAMERS who remember everything once cool about Mega Man, which is hopefully what the new game will look like:

And not like this modern queef-baloney Mega Man stuff:

Usually I would just shrug off tidbits like this (Chrono Break...) but a few days ago I saw an article about Capcom's E3 lineup. They named all the games they would be displaying, but kept TWO titles secret. Since Street Fighter IV and Resident Evil 5 are already out in the open, the only other big title that Capcom would want to make an extra special comotion over is Mega Man.

It was inevitable, but at the same time... I'm very excited. A tip o' the hat to Capcom for finally doint it.

I'de Rather Read Before Playing 50 Rounds of GTA

Listen…no listen, really, listen. GTA IV is a great game, it really is. Listen to me. It does a lot of good things. It even does a lot of new things. One of the great new things isn’t Rockstar’s doing however. Are you listening? The Euphoria Engine adds a lot to the game. But GTA also does something else new, something that I have never seen in any game before. Let me show you in a graph…

A) One of the best intros ever in a game with an incredible original score.

B) Lame boring Italian mobster stereotypes.

C) Final weapon found, last skill learned, highest level achieved, gives little left to look forward to, luckily the game doesn’t last much longer.

D) How many games actually have a good ending?

First off these figured are completely accurate. Every time I play a game I plug my Awesometer into my console or PC to see how great a game is. As you can see GTA progresses quite differently than most games, and this isn’t some great new innovation, it sucks. Who thought making a game worse the more you play it was a good idea? It’s like kicking a child in the nuts every time he does a chore around the house. The game just started out so awesome and ended so lame. The early characters are so interesting, and the final ones are so forgettable, what the hell were their names? Spaghetti, linguine, and Mozzarella? Stupid.

Listen… What I really want to do right now is read the Age of Conan manual, and maybe, just maybe, if I’m in a good mood, I might let you know how good that manual is.

Here we go again!

This BLOG is about that special feeling of physical exhaustion you feel when you're on the 38th round of a 50 round game of Mario Party. Or that pain in your stomach you get after playing Battletanx for 4 hours straight without water. Or that undying voice in the back of your head that tells you to buy Quest 64 even though you know you hate it.

This is about falling asleep as your friends play Phantasy Star Online off-line. This is about being really good at Destrega. This is about hating Zelda games, but loving Flicky for Sega Genesis.

So, no, it's not all about Nintendo 64- but it is that swirling, muddy N64 logo that brought us together in the same place which allowed us to form our collective distastes.

-Paul and Alex